thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
