Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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