i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
