There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
