you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
