come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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