marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
