She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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