We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
