Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Randomize
