Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
