We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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