Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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