I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
