If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
