Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
