How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
