thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
