hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
