just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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