A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
