Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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