If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
