Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
