Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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