oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
false alarm. still invincible.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
