girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
