I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
