people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
