all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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