My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
