two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
