Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This baby is an asshole
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
