my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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