YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
even my farts smell like vagina
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
