____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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