btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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