they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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