CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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