i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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