Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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