I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
