I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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