maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
