why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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