i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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