It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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