Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
