we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
