broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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