i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
