I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
